Swiss Army Knife Adventures
Swiss army knife
Origin Story
On a Valentine’s Day early in our relationship, Mark presented me with a brand-new Swiss Army knife. That’s because we both loved hiking, backpacking, and opening bottles of beer and wine.
Little did I know how many wild and amazing adventures on which this knife would accompany us. It stayed in my back pocket much of the time while we rambled around the USA and Alaska on our nine-month journey in 1986.
I have had MANY embarrassing moments in my life. However, one in particular reigns as THE MOST MORTIFYING.
Most Mortifying Moment
In Northern California, we camped out beside Lake Lytton. As Mark relaxed, I strolled around the lake. Then I sat on a log that jutted out over the water, contemplating life. My Swiss army knife fell out of my pocket into the lake which was about five feet deep. First I tried retrieving it with my toes. That didn’t work. So after about half an hour of hit-and-misses, I decided that since it was such a remote area, I would remove my clothes because I didn’t want to get them wet. Then I bent over and reached in with my hand.
Patty, the tree and the lake
At the time I wore contact lenses. And so I was afraid of losing them if I opened my eyes under the water. I kept reaching in and missing the knife, getting pretty worked up about it.
Father and Son
Just then a father and his son happened to hike by and saw me in my naked glory. I’ll never forget the looks on their faces. And I’ll bet they’ll never forget the look on mine. They walked by without saying a word. Consequently, I continued my now futile mission to retrieve the knife.
I was ready to give up when Mark arrived. Indeed, he’d become worried at my long absence and came to see what had become of me.
Lady of the Lake
Mark laughed when he saw me naked, and asked what was going on. When I explained that my knife had dropped into the water, he grabbed a thin branch and plucked the knife out in less than five seconds. I got myself dressed. He hugged me and made a joke. I laughed and then life was good again.
From that moment on Mark would refer to me occasionally as “The Lady of the Lake.”
Even-More Mortifying Moment
Mark Schulze rock climbing at Joshua Tree, California, (Photo by Patty Mooney) 1993
Mark Schulze boulder hopping at Joshua Tree, California (Photo by Patty Mooney), 1993
About ten years later, Mark and I went on a rock-climbing trip to Joshua Tree. The boulders there are world-renowned for climbing, both freestyle and with a rope and caribiner. What a gorgeous site.
At the time there were porta potties interspersed throughout the park’s camping sites and that is where I strode early one morning. I carefully draped pieces of toilet paper on the seat so I could daintily descend and relieve myself. And then, as I stood up, my Swiss Army knife slipped out of my jeans pocket and into the drink. I gasped, shouted “Ewwwwwww!,” peered in, noted that the containment was rather shallow and I could see my beloved knife in a reachable spot. So I leaned in, plucked it out, and breathed a sigh of both relief and disgust. Later, the cleaning operation was akin to Hazmat proceedings and involved a pot of boiling water for the knife and tower of Handi-wipes for me. It’s funny how one small possession can contain so much power – all the adventures seemingly embedded into it.
Full Cycle: A World Odyssey Box Cover
Fast forward another 25 years, during which that knife accompanied me on hundreds of mountain-bike rides not only around California but around the world. I had it in my Camelbak while riding up to confront the gods on Mt. Olympos, Greece, and when I participated as one of the first mountain-bike riders in the First-Ever Himalayan Mountain Bike Rally. It was with me when I mounted the Swiss Alps, Mt. Snowdon in Wales, Mt. Orohena on Moorea, Tahiti, and when I descended into the Turrialba Volcano of Costa Rica. I had it with me in Moab when I broke my collar bone on Porcupine Rim. It was with me when Mark and I were attacked by a grizzly in the Yukon, when I encountered a mountain lion in Anza-Borrego, and when we took a lap around Mt. Tamalpais with the pioneers of mountain biking: Gary Fisher, Jacquie Phelan and Charles Kelly.
I used that little guy to open countless bottles of beer and wine, slice cheese and apples on picnics in the wild, and pluck occasional stray hairs where they didn’t belong.
Something Happened in Novato
Just before Christmas in 2018, Mark and I drove our vehicle up to Northern California to videotape some Cannabis luminaries at the Emerald Cup. In Novato, while leaving our car parked for one hour in a quiet suburban neighborhood on a dead-end street, thieves made off with about $25K of our video gear including a brand new Sony FS7 4K camera worth $11K, a bunch of Christmas presents, and alas, the Swiss Army knife.
This extreme violation felt very similar to an actual rape which I had experienced as an 18-year-old. And the idea of a video production crew losing critical gear the night before a shoot – we hope you never have to go through that. We slogged through with rental gear and got the shots we needed. Our documentary, “Cannabis the Story,” now four years in the making, will be unveiled on 4/20/2020. And truly, ours is a sacrifice that pales compared to what many Cannabis farmers and purveyors of plant medicine have gone through in the past 80 years of a senseless Prohibition.
When all is said and done, the memories contained in that Swiss Army knife are inside me, embedded within every single cell. We had a good run, didn’t we, my little friend?
